What Am I Paying You For?

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By Frances

I read for the Thoth Queen of Swords, a couple of weeks ago.


She was angry and frustrated because life was not accommodating her and she was not taking any prisoners. She was belligerent and thoroughly unpleasant. In retrospect, I bet she was the reason I awoke that morning with a piercing headache. 

She asked me about this and that and I pulled cards and read. My reading for her was detailed and any question she posed was responded to, however, everything I said was met with hostility and contradiction. I knew she was anxious and in a tough spot, so I gave her a lot of leeway. I took deep breaths, spoke calmly and I empathized with her.  I had a clear vision of what she needed to do to rework the situation but she was not interested in it. She was raging and there was no grounding her. This is how she choose to communicate and was clearly the source of her trouble. She treated everyone as inferior and her pugnacious style was hurting her business and herself, personally. There was no talking to her - she was in 2 of Swords lock down! 

She was brutal, fierce and unwavering.  Completely not hearing!! What was the point in me speaking if she wasn't listening? In retrospect, I should have told her that this wasn't a good time to read for her.  We must learn how to respect when we are supposed to read for someone and when it is futile to expend the energy. I am still working on how to do this with grace and the least amount of upset. I despise confrontation and I try my best to side step it even if it is at my own expense.  I should have ended this reading right at the beginning the second I felt her energy , or better yet I should have taken the cue from the headache and called it off before it began but that isn't the way this story went......

I took another deep breath and I finally acquiesced and said if you feel so strongly about your path then follow your intuition. She went ballistic! "THEN WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR?!?!?" she screamed! I calmly replied you are paying me for my time and guidance of which I gave you both generously. You paid me for a 20 minute session and we are now pushing 45 minutes. I can only offer you counsel, I can't make you take it, in the end it is up to you to hear the message and walk the path and I unceremoniously HUNG UP on her!  Of course she texted me that I was rude etc. I replied that she needed to pay attention to how she communicates and that this is the root of her pain. I can only hope that when her fury waned a bit that some of what I said got through to her. Who knows.

As I tried to unwind, I dissected the session (as a Virgo is wont to do) and thought about the final attack ........ What am I paying you for?

First and foremost, you are paying for my time and my energy. You are paying for my guidance and my attention. I give of myself fully in every reading. I prepare beforehand by meditating and tuning into the sitter's energy. I put aside my life, family and pursuits for the moments I am with my sitter and I give my undivided attention and soul. You are paying for my connection to the Universe and the messages that come through me. You are paying for my capacity to communicate the message in a meaningful way to you. You are paying for my ability to feel and see through your issues and guide you toward your goals. What you are not paying for, is for me to tell you what you want to hear or for me to wave my magic wand and make everything "perfect".  You are also not paying me for the opportunity to berate and disrespect me! 

The other day a woman sat down before me with no question, I shuffled and pulled cards. I said "This is about XYZ." She nodded. I said in a resigned voice, rhetorically, "What do you want me to tell you?" She cocked her head and smiled. I said "It isn't a happy ending."  Tears welled in her eyes and she nodded. She didn't fight me or the outcome. She knew. She had a handle on her reality. I told her point blank that she didn't want what she thought she wanted. She understood that she must start anew. The reading continued with a focus on the future. 

That same day another woman, who I had read before, came in, sat down and said with force, "Don't tell me what I need to work on! I already know all of that!" I laughed! Everyone has their own style of reading. My readings are about helping a person find their path and about eliminating the obstacles that are before them, so they can have the chance to succeed. A lot of the time, blocks and barriers come up in a reading and we talk about how they can work through their issues. Sometimes elements are missing from their life and they need to work on bringing them back in to get them more balanced. Often times they have suppressed hurts or may be perceiving a situation in a way that isn't helping them. I can't direct what the message is no more then I can sprinkle some fairy dust and make all your dreams come true. She said " I want to know XYZ!" She was clearly frustrated by her situation. I understood. Things come in due time. Nobody wants to hear that. I giggled and said " OK but you can't direct the message that comes through for you. It is what it is. With that said, let's see how we can get you on the path to get XYZ!" She left with a clearer picture of what she had to work on. 

Not everyone is ready for my style of reading or for receiving the message that is meant for them. The next time I find myself in an uncomfortable position, I will remember Kenny Rogers' The Gambler song..... You need to know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em, know when to walk away and know when to run.

Images from Aleister Crowley's Thoth Tarot and the Universal Waite Tarot available through U.S. Games Systems, Inc.

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